Today I was going to write about Japanese food, but I can't think of anything funny or poignant to say, so today I'm just going to talk about my kids being perverted and sex-obsessed again. Maybe I shouldn't write these blogs in the hour or so of free time between my last lesson and the end of work when I'm too tired to write anything half-decent. It was the day after writing my last blog about sex-obsessed pupils that I became acquainted with my first really perverted pupil. Let's call him Ichiro because he plays baseball (that's an American pop-culture reference; next stop losing my sense of humour and joining the writing staff of a Seth McFarlane cartoon). It was the first time I'd taught his class, so I was doing my self-introductory lesson, and was in the middle of handing out sheets for the kids to guess facts about my life. As I passed Ichiro's desk e stopped me and with a wide grin on his face asked me "Sensei, do you like Kyabakura?"
This word Kyabakura is actually a loan word derived from an English one, or rather two English words condensed into one; Kyaburei and Kurabu, i.e. Cabaret Club. Now when I think of Cabaret, I think of Lisa Minelli, oddly inspirational Nazi anthems and golden cigar cases, but, this being Japan, the caberet club is very little to do with those symbols of Weimar culture. The Japanese Cabaret club is all about attractive women making conversation and flirting with you while you buy them drinks and spend lots of money...allegedly, I've never been of course. So after answering in the negative (naturally), he proceeded to ask me whether I'd been to an Oppai pub (i.e. bar where the women prove not all Japanese have flat chests...allegedly). Time was getting on and I had to finish distributing handouts, not listen to inane questions from some lascivious pubescent, so I ignored him and moved on. Unfortunately he took my lack of comment as a yes.
Following the lesson, he and his friend accosted me and quizzed me about my preferences on the chest department. Trying to be the inspirational teacher I wanted to say that the size of a woman's chest doesn't matter and you should not judge a woman by the size of her rack any more than she should judge you by the size of your little katana. But, as is so often the case in Japan, the language barrier posed an obstacle to my sentiments so I just said 'docchi de mo ii' or all of them are fine. Slapping me on my back, Ichiro gave me a wide grin "You know... senzuri" he asked. I could guess; sen means 1000 and zuri means stroking. In case I needed any further clues he simulated masturbating whilst pulling a face that looked like he was having either a jolly good time or a stroke (no pun intended). Well, that was it, time to go, I gave him a clip round the ear (you are still allowed to do that in Japanese schools) and moved on to my next lesson, strangely relishing the new insights into the psyche of the Japanese adolescent he had given me.
